Guide to Saving Money & Making the Divorce Easier

Divorce is a financial cost.  Even the people who navigate divorce with a do-it-yourself approach spend money on court costs, filing fees, and some professional help.  From the lowest cost to the highest cost of a multi-year litigated case (costing $50,000+ for just one side), it is easy for the fees and costs to start increasing fast.  You want to be able to use your hard-earned money for your future life and dreams rather than spend it all on the divorce. Here are some tips for saving money during the process:

Do your process options research before you ever call an attorney. 

Learn about your legal process options: do-it-yourself, mediation, agreed divorce, collaborative law, and litigation. Have an idea of which may be the best option for your family and be prepared to ask questions in your consultation with the attorney. This will demonstrate to them that you know about your options and prevent them from going on auto-pilot and starting on the litigated path. It also gives you more control at this crucial stage. There’s a reason why you see this reiterated across many of my materials.

Make sure that the attorney is comfortable and willing to do options other than litigated divorce. Try Mediation or do as much prep work as possible with your spouse before adding in professionals.

*** Some cases do need the litigation route depending on the circumstances.  However, the vast majority of cases that go through the litigation route can be better served with a different process.***

When you meet with attorney, ask, and understand the following:

What is your hourly rate? 

What is your billing structure?  Do I get billed for every individual email correspondence? A traditional attorney bills in 6-minute increments.  Even if they spent 2 minutes reading and responding to an email, they will document it as 6 minutes, or .1 on the billing ledger. If their hourly rate is $200 per hour, that email just cost you $20. (Future tip: save all your questions and compile in one email at the end of the day)

Do your fees increase in the evenings and on the weekends if I need to contact you?

 Are you available for communication on the evenings and weekends?

Do you have a paralegal or assistant that will be helping and what are the fees if they are doing work on the case?

What is your retainer? Is the retainer refundable or not?

How many cases are you handling at this time and what can I expect as far as response time to emails and phone calls?

Do you use any sort of technology to streamline the process to increase efficiency and save money?

What strategies do you utilize to reduce conflict during a divorce case?

***If the attorney is uncomfortable discussing and being transparent with the fees, you may want to choose a different attorney.***

Meet with more than one attorney if necessary to find the right fit for you.

If you work with an attorney, they work for you. 

Make sure you feel comfortable with them, and they are the right match.

Are you wanting an amicable and low conflict divorce? Then make sure the attorney has emotional intelligence and believes that couples can divorce in a low-conflict way.  When you are talking to them and telling them the story of your marriage, are they listening and making suggestions from a problem-solving approach or stirring the pot?  Stirring the pot would be “Let’s go serve this asshole and take him for all he’s worth.”  Or taking a minor issue (e.g., “My spouse has a couple drinks a day.”) and instead of asking questions to assess the situation, they say “So, your spouse is an alcoholic and we’re going to try and keep the kids from him/her as much as possible.”  

It is easy to want to trust an attorney. After all, this is their profession, and they are the experts.  They can also be very persuasive when talking with you and your emotions start making the decisions. It is understandable. You are feeling vulnerable and want guidance and protection.  

I suggest not signing an agreement or a retainer with an attorney at the end of that initial meeting or consultation, but take a day to think about your experience with that attorney and ask “is this someone I want to be in my life and in my family’s life for the next 6 months, year, 2 years?”  It is easier for our logical brain to assess and make more sound decisions when we are not in the moment or in front of the attorney.

Explore the option of legal coaching or divorce coaching in addition to working with a lawyer - or doing prep work before hiring an attorney.

 A divorce coach can provide many services for couples throughout the divorce process including, but not limited to:

·        Structure and organization of the process.  They know what the roadmap looks like and can get you from start to finish, letting you know what steps to take next. This reduces anxiety and provides a framework for you.

·        Identify other necessary professionals for your team.  If a Divorce Coach believes a financial professional would be beneficial, they will recommend adding this person to the team.

·        Keep things moving forward. A Divorce Coach is similar to a project manager.  They keep track of where people are in the process, assign homework that needs to be done, sets deadlines, and ensures that things continue to move forward rather than stalling. This saves time and money and reduces frustration on your part.

·        Can help develop a co-parenting plan.  A Divorce Coach can help you and your spouse develop a parenting plan that fits your family’s needs.

·        Reduces conflict and teaches new communication skills. A good Divorce Coach will approach divorce with a problem-solving mindset, work to decrease conflict instead of increasing it, and teach you the necessary communication skills to transform your relationship from married to co-parents.

Gather all the necessary financial documents, learn about your finances, and be prepared before moving forward.

It will be a waste of time and money to have any financial settlement discussions prior to this step being completed. Do this early on in the process or pause any steps moving forward until you have done this.

Don’t be afraid to ask for help. Finances are emotional. They can be overwhelming and induce a lot of fear and anxiety. Find a trusted professional who will help you learn and understand your financial portfolio. They can help you develop a budget for your post-divorce life. They can help you understand what assets you have and which may be beneficial for you to ask for vs. one which may not pay off in the long-term.

Take your time in learning about all the finances and do not move forward with negotiations until you are confident in your knowledge and understanding. 

Stay Organized.

Create and utilize a system that houses all divorce-related items in one place. This may be an Excel spreadsheet or a Google doc that you can share easily with others and edit as you go. This is more efficient than pen and paper.

Keep track of questions you have for professionals or your spouse, all in one place.Ask for help if organization is not your strong suit.

Stay focused on the next chapter of your life.

There are two processes that happen simultaneously during a divorce. One is the grief over the loss of your established life and the other is looking forward and envisioning what you want your future to look like. If you stay stuck in the past and “how did we get here?” “Why did our marriage fail?” or “I don’t want this.” then you will consciously or subconsciously employ stall tactics which potentially increases costs. There is a difference between appropriately acknowledging and processing the grief and staying stuck in it.  If you find yourself stuck, reach out to professionals to help you get to a place of acceptance that this is happening and start looking forward.

Start to write out and visualize where you want to live (location and physical space) and identify what is very important to you to receive in the divorce agreement (e.g., financial security is very important and that includes money now and money for retirement).

Be patient.

It is called the divorce process for a reason.  There are a number of steps you have to take, decisions that have to be made, and documents that need to be created. 

This does not happen overnight. Even “quick” divorces take 3-6 months. Laws vary in each state in regards to how long a couple has to be separated before a divorce can be finalized. You have to be patient with the process, with yourself, and with your spouse. Make sure you think over your options carefully before making decisions.

Be ready to compromise.  Toss out the word Fair.

Fair is a four-letter word in divorce. It is not “fair” and certainly nothing feels fair. Inevitably in most divorces, there is a decrease in the standard of living because you are going from 1 or 2 incomes contributing to one household to that same amount of money running two households. 

It certainly doesn’t feel fair to have to share time with your kids and be away from them. Erase the notion of fair from your expectations. 

Both people need to come to the table willing to give and give and give some more in order to reach agreements that both of you can live with. If at the end of your divorce it feels like no one has “won,” then you probably did a good job negotiation and compromising.

Do not try and punish your spouse with this process.

Yes, you feel hurt.  Yes, they may have cheated or lied or done wrong. However, if you are looking at the divorce as a way to punish your spouse, you will be sorely disappointed.

You want a big trial and an authority figure to come down and inflict punishment on your spouse? Not likely to happen. A judge does not feel the same emotions you do and makes decisions from the logical and legal perspective.

Attempting to punish your spouse will greatly increase time and money, start a war, and your character will likely get attacked as well – because that’s the litigation model. The goal for the lawyers is to make the other spouse look worse than their client in the judge’s eyes. 

And even if you did get a million-dollar settlement, I promise it does not erase the emotional pain of the divorce or what occurred in the marriage.

Communicate above board even if your spouse does not. Realize that every interaction you have with them is a chance to put lighter fluid on a fire or douse it with water.

Overall:

Have patience. Ask for help. Build a strong support team that will help you and your family through this in the most peaceful way!

Our group of attorneys, financial professionals, and divorce coaches are committed to helping families navigate divorce with integrity, focused on problem-solving, and preserving relationships for the next chapter. Reach out today, we’d love to help you through this process.